Feasting Day

To many in the U.S. tomorrow is thanksgiving or as my wife and I like to call it, "Feasting Day". A celebration of food and family. We will be spending it with her parents and having an almost completely vegan feast. I say almost because her parents will be dining on a meat dish of some sort while we are enjoying her delicious seitan roast. Thanksgiving here in the U.S. is all about the turkey and it is to the point that the President actually chooses one to "spare" from the slaughter on this holiday, which seems sort of silly given the millions who have been ruthlessly and brutally killed to satisfy the cravings of the masses.

For those that know me, I have been vegan for about two years now, and have come to see the strong link between my lifestyle choice and my philosophy on life. There are a lot of ethical issues concerning the use and abuse of animals, too many for me to include here without people thinking "tl;dr", so I think I should focus on the thing closest to this holiday, namely the turkey. First, there is a general conception that people are basically doing the bird a favor by eating it because they are "stupid". While this statement seems to be true based on behavior exhibited by farmed turkeys, it's far from accurate based on the animals natural behaviors. Farmed turkeys are bred fast to be fat and docile. I've heard stories about turkeys standing outside in the cold and freezing to death with an open barn in front of them. The effects of conditioning are pretty astounding, even humans can show this sort of ridiculous behavior if they have been conditioned properly. The wild turkey (where farm turkeys are bred from) does not behave this way and is in fact intelligent and social. So, no we are not doing any favors to the animal by killing it.

So that makes this about gluttony and fulfilling our desire to consume them. To make this palatable desire a reality, turkeys are bred extremely quickly and kept well confined to limit the amount of fat loss. Crammed in dimly lit barns and standing in their own filth many die before slaughter due to disease and stress. The image of the turkey that you see is not the reality:

Image


Reality


The fact is that most people simply don't care about the suffering of these animals because "that's what they are there fore." But what if one asks themselves why that is the case? Consider a dog, wouldn't it be considered animal abuse to raise a dog in such an environment? Yes, it would. There are strict laws against puppy mills. Why is the plight of the turkey so different? People own dogs or cats and think it's awful when someone abuses them, but then they go back to eating that steak in front of them. One can say that a pet becomes part of the family and so it is different in some way. Then we must conclude that is because of how it is raised and not based on species. But then let me present this scenario, someone owns a dog and a cat. The cat is raised as part of the family, given attention, love and kept inside. The dog is raised as livestock, fed to become fat and kept at a distance from the family to be slaughtered for meat later. Most people probably would say that is terrible to treat a dog that way. Why? What is so different? Nothing, that's what. It's all a matter of conditioning. It's someone telling you this animal is for eating and this animal is for loving.

By participating in this kind of behavior, you are showing species-ism. Just as terrible as racism or sexism, but ignored by most. Think about that as you sit down for dinner tomorrow. Think about the life that bird in front of you likely led and the slaughter it had to endure so that you could consume its flesh for no other reason than your own aesthetic pleasure. Was the trade off worth it? If on some level you feel that it might be wrong, then congratulations because you still have a shred of humanity left, but if no part of you cares then I challenge you to examine yourself and realize how apathy leads to so much suffering.

Out of Apathy, pt. 16

The man was dressed in robes that were worn with age and they flowed about him as he strode, making him look quite majestic. His hair was completely white and one couldn’t tell where it ended and his beard began; both of which hung down to his waste. He wore no shoes, but his feet did not look worse for wear even though it was apparent that he had been hiking these woods for many years. Though he didn’t look surprised at my presence he stared at me for a long time. His eyes were small and black amidst the mass of hair on his face, but they were also bright and piercing. The gaze he gave me seemed to go straight through me, and was almost painful. I felt that I couldn’t look him directly in the eyes and turned my face away. Time seemed to stretch on and on, but I knew only moments were passing. Each time I looked up at him, I was forced to turn away.

Finally he spoke in a deep, booming voice that commanded attention, “Well, are you just going to stand there staring at the ground like some kind of groveler or are you going to come and sit with me?” His question startled me at first, not just because we had been in silence for so long but also because I wasn’t exactly sure he could speak. Now it wasn’t that I thought he was primitive in any fashion because his presence seemed educated, but I was surprised he could speak because I had heard tails of hermits losing their powers of speech for sheer lack of someone to talk to. This was not the case, however, for him. Another reason I was surprised was that no one had directly spoken to me in a while now and I was beginning to doubt my own existence! At first I didn’t respond to his question because I was unsure of what to say, but eventually I uttered, “oh, yeah, sure…I was about to…I mean…” “Confound it man! Stop stammering and come with me,” he replied to my incoherence and began walking toward the cave. Despite my apprehensions I followed him into the cave.

Inside the cave was nothing surprising, it was fairly large, and there was a few rocks placed like chairs toward the entrance. A bedroll was rolled up against the wall of the cave, but it looked like it had never been used. Other than these items, there was nothing else in the cave. The man immediately sat on one of the rocks and indicated for me to do the same on the other. When I hesitated he became insistent, “don’t dilly dally, we wouldn’t want to waste time.” I sat down without saying a word and then looked up at him. His eyes were still brilliant in the dim of the cave, but somehow I was able to bear it now. Next, I had one of the most interesting conversations I have ever had:

The Hermit: How is it that you have come into my realm?

-Well, it sounds kind of ridiculous, but…

The Hermit: Ridiculous? I will decide what is ridiculous. Tell me the truth and I will not doubt you. I can see through men.

-I came with a truck driver to a gas station somewhere on the other side of that valley down there, and there was an eagle in the sky who led me into the woods.

The Hermit: Ha-ha! Was that you? (He looked outside the cave at a massive eagle that was perched on a branch; presumably it was the one I had followed before.) Were you leading him to me? You must be something if he led you here.

-I’m not exactly sure what you mean. Do you communicate with this animal?

The Hermit: Of course I do! I talk to all of my animals. They are much wiser than men. Now finish your tale.

-After I entered the woods, I became lost, but a red stag guided me through them and into the valley on the other side.

The Hermit: Oh you saw him. This is quite an occasion. He doesn’t come out for just anyone you know, but we’ll talk about that later, now finish.

(By now my curiosity about this strange man had been peaked, but I knew from his tone that I should ask questions later.)

-When I entered the valley I became lethargic and content and rested against the tree. It was very strange because I became so apathetic, and then a figure spoke softly to me with a man’s voice. He urged me to stay there in that place, but I ignored his words and ran off toward the woods at the base of this mountain. After I passed through the woods, I ended up here by your cave.

The Hermit: That is quite the story you’ve spun there, but I believe every word of it because I’ve seen and heard stranger things and I was there of course.

-Wait, what? How were you there this is the first time I’ve ever seen you.

(And then I realized the truth before he even said it)

The Hermit: Why it was me, of course, who was speaking to you by that tree in the valley. You looked much different then.

-Why were you trying to stop me from moving on? Especially in that awful place…wait, how do I look different, that was only yesterday?

The Hermit: I was trying to save you from the pain of leaving that place. You see, once you leave there, you can never go back. Despite what you might think, you will never find that place again. Was it really awful? Could you say that you have been more at peace in your life?

-No, I can’t say I have ever felt peace like that, but I didn’t feel good either. I simply felt empty and devoid of feeling at all. If I can never go back there, then how did you find me there?

The Hermit: You are making assumptions, my friend. I said that you could never go back that there, nothing in that says anything about me. But because you brought it up I will attempt to explain. I found you there, but when I was there it was a different place than what you experienced. Even though we were in the same place we were experiencing completely separate phenomena. I could tell by your appearance that you were in that place, especially the way you were clutching that clump of dirt as if it were some luscious fruit. I only encouraged you to stay because I too have been there, and now wish I had stayed.

-How is that even possible, experiencing different realities?

The Hermit: Ha! Don’t act so surprised! Surely you have seen things seen things stranger than this. The world is not as neat and orderly as you would like to believe. We like to conform the world into a little box and limit our imaginations, so we can cope with reality. But when you let the world take the lead on your reality, you find much more interesting things can happen.

(I was mesmerized by his words, and despite how unbelievable they might have sounded I took in everything he said, soaking it up like a sponge)

-You never answered me before. How is it that I look so different than last time you saw me?

The Hermit: Don’t think that I had forgotten your question! You say that our meeting occurred yesterday, but what exactly do you mean by yesterday?

-How can you ask such a question? I mean the day before today, of course, before the night passed last.

The Hermit: I stopped counting days long ago. Time only has meaning if you want it to. I am no longer a slave to that tyrant who dominates men! I have fought and defeated time at his own game. ‘Submit!’ he cried, and when I refused he lost all power, turned and disappeared. Out here submission leads to the death of spirit, one must use his Strength and Will to rend his would be enemies asunder. Now, I say you look different because indeed you do. Your appearance is very different than when I saw you last.

-How is that?

The Hermit: When I saw you before you had the look of a young man, naïve, but leery of things that were out of the ordinary. Now you have a much bolder look about you. Your hair has begun to turn much as mine did once. In your eyes, I no longer see youth, but age and wisdom.

(With all that had transpired this didn’t surprise me, but I did wonder if I truly did look older or if I just felt that way. Something about this place was making me feel aged. In the air was the sense of countless ideas that must have passed through this man’s mind. I wondered how long he had been there by my time measurement.)

-Why have I changed?

The Hermit: You have changed because, by leaving your apathy behind and grabbing hold of your passion, you have embarked on the real journey, the pursuit of knowledge.

-But I thought that I had been pursuing knowledge before?

The Hermit: Knowledge is not gained by reading books! The dusty thoughts of some dead philosopher help no one. One must go out into the world to discover his reality. He must speak to the world and listen for its answer. Those scholars locked away in their libraries know nothing of knowledge. Their knowledge is limited by the boundaries of their lifetime, but my knowledge is eternal and because my knowledge is eternal, so am I.

(This last statement stunned me, and my eyes became wide. It was as if I had been asleep and dormant all my life, and now I had been awakened by this man’s words)

The Hermit: At last you realize the truth! I knew you would! Many are unable to understand or accept the true reality of things, but I knew that you would.

-Yes, I do. I can’t explain how, but you have awoken me from my slumber. Everything seems so clear now. Before I would have said that this was an insane notion, but after everything that has transpired I understand.

The Hermit: Then you have begun the transformation. It is long and arduous, but wholly worthwhile. Of course you no longer have a choice. You have already embarked on the journey and you cannot turn back. This place around you is nothing, but the first stepping-stone. It is the plateau where you may rest and survey your surroundings before beginning the climb. Here you can turn and look back upon the way you came, but ahead you cannot. Turning back implies doubt and on this path one must never doubt. This is my sin, I doubted and turned to look down on the path, and now I must remain here. My only purpose now is to lead those who pass through here; however, wanderers are very few anymore because people have lost their faith. They no longer trust their passions, their emotions, the very essence of their being. The people of your time have forgotten their nature and created a new “nature” with laws and morals. Nature serves no one, not even him.

-That is the second time you have mentioned him. Who is he, and why do you regard him with such reverence?

The Hermit: If you knew him as I do, you would never think to ask such a question. This is not because it is taboo, but because he explains himself. He is a guide for those who are lost, a seeker for those waiting to be found. While some animals can be trained and put to use, he cannot be tamed. His presence has always been here, before, that villain, Time was born. Some of the animals have told me that he is the father of Time, and Nature is Time’s mother. She is the fury, the tempest, and he is the guiding light that will lead you to shore. Nature is fierce and has become especially weary of us men, but he speaks softly to her and convinces her that we are trying to right our wrongs. Eventually, he will lose, but not because he is weak, only because Time will be on his deathbed and the end will be at hand. Nature will unleash her scorn upon us, and nothing will remain of our kind. After that, things can begin again.

You must be on the grandest of adventures if he has appeared before you. From what I know, he guides those that are lost, but never shows himself. In all my wanderings of this realm, I have yet to meet him and if it were not for the animals I would doubt his existence. I would put him among those religious phantasms created by ignorant men. Now I see that my rambling is not only hindering you from this path, but it is obstructing his plans. The sun has gone to sleep in the west and the stars are beginning to shine, this is the best time to travel. You must climb the mountain, do not try to circumvent it because this will lead you astray. This is a trial that must be faced. Now my friend, go and do not look back. The path is forward!

Out of Apathy, pt. 15

While all of this had been going through my mind, I could feel myself becoming more and more agitated, which was almost a new sensation. My passions were slowly returning to me out here in the real world, away from the cold, concrete world that had been built up by people. Out here I could feel the ground beneath my feet, and it was soft and moist. This was true freedom, not freedom granted to you by an overarching government, but this was freedom of spirit. In this wilderness I could truly do what I wanted without fear of anything happening that wouldn’t be the result of nature. In the day and age that I had been living, disappearing like this wasn’t really freedom because someone would report me missing and a search would commence, but somehow this was different. I felt that I was really free and there were no worries of ever being found, it was a feeling I couldn’t really explain, it was more of an instinct. Only when one experiences liberty of this sort can that person really understand the lack of it they have amongst other people.

The plants and animals will never censor the things you say. There are no children’s ears to “damage” with “foul” language. No subject is too taboo for the trees. There is no murder because, in nature, one must only survive. One kills only to eat or to defend oneself because death otherwise would serve no other purpose than to boost an ego, but who would that person be trying to impress except themselves. There are no crimes here, no judges and no jury; the human mind is the only thing that can act in this way because it is the only thing with the ability to reason. When one abandons this capacity, one loses the last limit on humanity and returns to the realm of the animals where instinctual morals are the only limits. When these are stripped away, one becomes akin to the plant life that does not have the ability to think or feel, as we understand it, and is free from these limits. Yet as one progresses upward in degrees of freedom in this way, one loses freedoms in other ways. As a tree it is limited by its inability to move or think and as an animal one is unable to reason, in both of these one loses the very thing that makes him human. One chooses to accept the limitations that come with humanity because he does not want to lose the ability to reason. This is why an escape to the wilderness is something that can be so helpful to people because one can return to nature without losing what makes him human. In death one finds true freedom. The sleep of death provides escape from the limits on everything living and one can truly say they are limitless with one exception. The exception is that one is no longer free to live.

Evidently all this thought had taken more time than I realized because a dull light began to pierce the darkness of the sky. I was not the least bit tired and I was able to make out my surroundings once again, so I stood up and began to make my up through the woods. The forest was very dense, so the going was tough. There was no real trail for me to make my way and I had to step along on the undergrowth, being mindful to not lose my footing. If I fell and hurt myself here, no one would be there to help me and I doubt I would ever be found. It was strangely quiet there, I couldn’t here any of the forest sounds that one would expect. There was no breeze, the air hung still and thick. The only noticeable noise was the sound of my feet, padding along the ground, but even this was only slight because the ground was plush. Finally, when I felt that I couldn’t stand this silence anymore, I could see a clearing up ahead.

I quickened my pace and made way for the sunlight. At the clearing, I could hear the sounds of nature once again. Birds were chirping from the trees and I could here the wind blowing through. In the center of the clearing was a small pond, and on the other side of the pond I could see a large cave into the side of the mountain. Just outside the cave was a fire pit that had obviously been well used. The rocks it was made of were all black and charred, and the ashes of an uncountable amount of fires lay inside. This was the first sign of human life I had seen since I left the truck driver at the gas station. Though I had been enjoying the time to myself, the knowledge that someone else was out here was a little reassuring.

I began to wonder what sort of person it was that was out here in the wilderness. Could it have been someone like me who was lost on the way to somewhere, or was it someone who left everything behind to be one with his nature? How long had this person been out here, could he (or she) have been living here for years? My interest was peaked by this last thought and I began to hope that whoever it was had been in this place for many years. If this was the case then I could ask him (or her) so many questions about what was seen and thought about in the solitude. Could this person still even speak with no one else to talk to? I began walking around toward the cave to see if I could meet whoever lived there, and I heard a noise somewhere in front of me. Out of the woods ahead of me came a wild looking man who didn’t seem the slightest bit surprised by my presence.

Out of Apathy, pt. 14

{So it's been a long time since I've posted anything. Sorry about that! I would like to regale you with how I haven't found time to post because I was busy slaying dragons and battling evil wizards, but the truth is that I just haven't posted. Ruby June and I did go Iceland however for 2 weeks, which was pretty epic and amazing! Seriously, go there. Now. On to the next part...}

Once I started walking the brilliance of the stag began to lessen and the sunlight passing through the trees became visible again. I could still see the stag ahead of me, bounding ahead and then stopping to watch me follow. My full concentration was on the animal and I no longer noticed whether I was going up or down hill anymore. As we proceeded through the woods I noticed the trees becoming less dense as I moved forward. Eventually the trees became sparse enough that I could see a clearing on what looked like a peak, and I concluded that I had reached the top of the hill. By the time I had walked into the clearing the stag disappeared somewhere and I was left alone again. It must have been early afternoon because the sun was just past its apex in the sky.

Looking back behind me I could no longer see the gas station in the distance, only a vast expanse of land. In the other direction I could see a low valley that led up into a range of mountains not too far away. Was this direction I was supposed to go? Surprisingly, this was the only question that entered my mind at that time. In my moment of doubt, I felt a low rumbling under my feet and I knew that it was a confirmation of my instincts. On the other side of the hill there was a significantly less amount of trees, so I felt more confident traversing downward. At the bottom of the hill, on the valley floor, the grass was long and lush. The ground felt very soft under my feet and I could hear birds cooing from somewhere. The whole atmosphere in this place was very soothing and began to make me feel quite drowsy. A sweetness filled the air and the smell not only excited my nostrils, but my taste buds as well.

This place was like nothing I had ever experienced before and my determination began to fade because I didn’t want these feelings to fade. My pace began to slow and the path I walked was no longer straight as I was letting my hands pass through the waist high grass. There was a single tree nearby and began to walk toward to take a short break from my journey. Beneath the tree there was a small pond with fish swimming in it. The tree itself was an apple tree and the apples all seemed to be ripe and ready to fall from the sinking branches. I plucked one from the tree, washed it off in the pond, and sat with my back against the tree to eat my snack. Oddly enough I wasn’t even hungry, but somehow the fruit from the tree was irresistible and I just had to have a piece of it. However, before I could even take a bite, the drowsiness I had been feeling became much more intense and my eyelids began to feel very heavy. It was a strange sensation because I never fell asleep, but I couldn’t move; I had fallen into some kind of trance and was unable to shake myself free.

Everything around me became distorted, as if the colors had all been pushed outside of their boundary lines. When the wind blew I could see the changing light patterns on the grass that was swaying. Besides this motion there was another movement, a dark shape moved across my field. I couldn’t tell what exactly it was, but it walked upright and was moving toward me. Finally it stopped right in front of me and seemed to be only inches from my face. “Lovely day, isn’t it,” the shape said to me, and I could only moan some sort of affirmation in reply. After my murmur the shape chuckled and said, “you do seem to be enjoying it. I would never leave here if I could, but I’ve got a job to do. Always work to be done.” The shape’s voice trailed off and it began to move away out of my line of sight.

After my brief encounter with that odd shape I could no longer tell how much time had passed. Time seemed to have no meaning in this place, things just happened as they did. There was never a beginning or end, so to make a temporal reference would be meaningless. One could certainly say that a patch of grass moved in a certain way before moving in another direction, but this observation was pointless because everything was in motion constantly, going back and forth. So perhaps a more accurate way to say it is that time was not meaningless, but just pointless. I would like to say that it was a very good feeling; however, this would be inaccurate. Things were not good or bad, they just were. Somewhere between the two extremes, without either of them actually existing. It was a constant middle state where no decision ever had to be made because none of them mattered. This place was apathy embodied in a physical form.


At some point during my haze under that tree things began to shift. Like someone adjusting the lens of a camera, things began to come into focus and there came a clarity like I had never known before. While I had good eyesight in general, this was a completely different sensation. I perceived colors like I never had before and I could pick out individual blades of the grass moving in the breeze. My eyes had become like those of the eagle who had guided me from the beginning. Then I began to notice sounds around me, not just those of the wind through the grass, but sounds of animals crawling along the ground somewhere in the distance and bugs moving about within the tree I was leaning against.

Just like the stag with its impeccable hearing, my hearing had improved significantly. Along with this sensory improvement related to my animal guides, my other senses had become heightened to an amazing extent. The sweet smell of the air was so intense now that it was almost unbearable, and smell found its way into my mouth, caressing my taste buds. The sleepy state that I had succumbed to before was now off of me and I felt invigorated once again. Despite the appeal to stay in this place, my drive was too much and I bounded off toward the mountains at full speed, dropping my apple onto the ground before I had even taken a bite of it because it suddenly lost its attraction. Only one thing mattered now and that was the path. “The path is forward.” Those words repeated in my head over and over again, they filled me with something that I had not felt before. All that apathy I had felt for most of my life seemed like wasted time with this new found enthusiasm.

Somewhere behind me I heard a voice calling me back, “why are you leaving? I thought we were just beginning to have some fun. Don’t go! Are you just going to leave all this behind? You’ll never find comfort like that you find here!” None of these words fazed me and I didn’t even turn around to see the speaker. The voice was just a distraction, just another thing trying to keep me from my destination. As I ran I felt my pocket and touched the square shape of the picture in my pocket bringing the image of the girl to my mind. Her voice from my dreams drove me harder and I ran faster and faster until the foot of the mountains approached so rapidly that I was unsure if I could stop in time before I ran right through them.


When I had realized how close I was to the thickening trees at the base of the mountains, I stopped running and stopped quite suddenly. The odd thing was that when I stopped there was no surge forward due to inertia; I just ceased to move, like I had run straight into a wall. However, the scenery around me took time to come back into focus and there was some reverberation back and forth when everything around me finally stopped moving. I looked up to survey the trek I was about to undertake and could see the top of the nearest peak at least a mile into the heavens. It was white against the blue backdrop of the afternoon sky and surely cast an intimidating shadow on the other side. The ground in front of me was beginning to climb up the slopes and I could see a dense forest taking shape along the way. Not wanting to become lost as I had before, I searched for a path into the trees.

Not too far away I could see a slight inlet and a clearing, and as I approached it I could see that it was actually a narrow path cut into the woods. The initial ascent was not too difficult and it reminded me of conquering the hill not too long ago, but as I progressed and the day wore on, the surface became much more steep. Eventually I was forced to begin climbing up large boulders. With the increasing darkness I was having a hard time seeing where I was going and was afraid I was going to lose my footing, so I thought I better stop for the night. I found a spot against a tree and leaned there looking up through the canopy.

Sounds of the night began to fill the air, there was the flapping of bats going through the air who were searching for their prey, nocturnal animals could be heard moving about in the trees and various other sounds that make many people nervous when they are all alone. There was no hostility here though; the sounds were actually quite calming because I could feel that life was all around me. No matter where I turned there was something alive, even the tree I was leaning against was alive, though it had ceased growing. I began thinking about the tree and all the things that it must have seen (if it had the ability to perceive). Inside its trunk there were countless numbers of insects crawling about in colonies, and surely in some of the higher parts were burrows in which squirrels hid their snacks. Birds built nests on its branches and gave birth to a new generation, which would continue their species. Around the other side of the tree was a hollow in between the roots; many animals of the forest had crawled into to spend their last days alone. Yet, they were never alone, the tree was there providing a quiet place for a peaceful death.

When the animals would die, their decomposing body would provide fodder for many of the insects living inside the tree and the waste of those insects would give nutrients to the tree. The breathing of the animals of the forest also provided life giving carbon dioxide to the tree, which would in turn provide oxygen for the animals to breathe. Everything out here seemed to have a cycle, and everything out here was dependent on each other, except me that is. I was of the species that left the forest and the plains, the species that tainted the lands. My species had lost touch with everything and began to consume more than it put back. This was the price my species paid for progress and technology.

When the people became comfortable in one place they propagated and began to destroy the land. At first the impact was not so profound, but as time wore on and the people became more advanced the affect became drastic. Suddenly there were talks of disappearing rain forests, global warming, and threats of nuclear war. Was the trade off really worth it? Are the comforts of entertainment and microwave dinners worth the loss of the land? Surely not, because one day the people will run out of resources to use up and there will be nothing left.

Discourse

I have a friend who posts videos on facebook quite a bit. Normally, they are music videos, videos about his sport, or funny things. But sometimes he posts on debatable topics. Recently, he posted a video that related to religion and problems that this girl saw with them. So, maybe that's not all it was about, but it was full of really weak arguments and pseudointellectual babbling. Here is the link:



So I called out some of the bullshit that I saw in the video. His response was less than satisfactory, basically just attempting to dismiss me and say he didn't want to argue.

I'm not trying to make him seem bad or anything like that, but this is something I see as a much bigger problem in general. It seems that discourse is being lost and people are just stopping their ears more and more when someone disagrees. It's especially disheartening when I see it among my friends. My thought is this: if you don't want to debate, then don't post something in a public place. Why would you demonstrate your support for someone's thought if you aren't prepared to defend that belief.

Am I out of line? I don't think so. If someone posts an opinion, I might disagree and I might say something, but if it goes to a standstill because it is a matter of opinion, then I'm fine with leaving it at that. But when someone is spouting something that is not factual, then I feel an obligation to point out that it isn't true. That is what I would expect someone to do for me and I am lucky enough to have someone who does just that for me.

Out of Apathy, pt. 13

It was a glorious thing to behold, that sunrise. The sun appeared to be many times its normal size and because of its low position on the horizon, it created immensely long shadows from the surroundings. Despite the beauty of the sunrise, these elongated shadows gave the morning an ominous feeling. The hills and plateaus around the gas station looked much taller and foreboding, and it sent a shiver through my bones. When I looked back towards that brilliant sunrise, however, all those feelings of apprehension faded and I was again filled with soft warmth. My eyes began to burn and I was forced to look away, but the image of the sun had burned its way into my retinas and all I could see was a large hemisphere that changed color each time I blinked.

As I tried to shake the image from my mind I noticed that the driver and the dog were both missing. I guessed that, while the truck was being fueled, he had taken the dog for a walk, and as I looked off to the left of the truck I could see him throwing a ball for the dog on the grass outside the parking lot. Deciding that getting out of the truck would probably do me some good; I opened the door and began walking toward the driver. He had ceased throwing the ball, and was down scratching and talking to the dog. “I know, boy, we should have been there by now, but that flat tire took a lot of time to fix. We’ll be on the road soon, then we can drop this load and take a nice vacation,” he said to the dog, who seemed very pleased with the plans. “Alright, let’s get back on it,” he said. The dog barked in agreement and bounded off toward the truck, looking back every 20 feet or so to make sure his friend was following.

I decided not to disturb the driver, who looked deep in thought, and stopped to take one last look at the surroundings before heading back to the truck. From here, those tall shadows looked less intimidating and I no longer felt that chill that I had before. Above me, there came a cry, so I looked up to investigate and saw a bird of prey gliding high in the sky. There was another cry and I began to wonder what it was calling to. It was then that I noticed the bird had been circling around where I was standing. When I moved to test this notion, the bird followed; however, its circles became a little elliptical and it seemed to be leading off away from the gas station and toward the hills. When I didn’t follow, the bird began to fly lower and its cries became more insistent. This lower altitude provided me with a clearer view of the bird and I could see it was a golden eagle, which struck me as strange because one doesn’t usually find them where I was. I could feel those sharp eyes burning into me and I could no longer resist its calls. When I began following its lead, the cries stopped and it took a more straightforward course ahead of me, but it was careful to circle back and assure my following every once in a while.

At this point I should have been thinking about my ride leaving without me because the driver is surely more concerned with his job than my transportation, but I was under some sort of spell by this bird. The hills that seemed so far away were suddenly right in front of me and seemed more like mountains from my position at their feet. The trees, which had been sparse before, were suddenly denser and I lost sight of my aerial guide. Ahead of me I could hear its cries once in a while, but they slowly faded until they altogether disappeared. Finally, the realization came over me that I had most likely missed my ride and was now lost in a strange wood. As I progressed I came upon a clearing with a large rock jutting from the side of the hill. In an attempt to gain a better view I clambered to the top of the rock and surveyed my surroundings.

The rock was sufficiently tall that I could see over the trees down the hill from me and see out across the field that led to the gas station I had come from. Apparently I had walked several miles in what seemed to be only a few minutes because the gas station was barely a speck in the distance. Fear began to creep into my mind because I was now in an unrecognizable environment and my ride had disappeared. From my experience, panicking is the worst thing one can do in a situation like this, so I sat down and tried to figure out what I was going to do. When I did so, a voice began to speak from somewhere. “You cannot go back. The path is forward, to retread old steps leads only to despair. The path is forward; you must face the fear of the unknown. The path is forward,” it said, but it was not a voice that I could describe in any meaningful way. I heard the voice, but not with my ears, nor was it inside my head; it was more of a feeling, or a vibration throughout my being. Stranger than this fact was that I understood exactly what the voice meant and stood up to make my away onward through the hills.

The path through the trees began to disappear and I had to make my through the dense forest with only an incline as my guide. Despite my walk uphill, somehow I found myself walking downhill without realizing it, so I turned around to walk back up the hill, but again a few minutes later I was going downhill again. Not only was the slope changing from uphill to downhill, but also the surroundings became more and more familiar as I realized that I was walking in circles. How I was walking in circles, I wasn’t sure because there was never any noticeable change in direction, as I was walking in a mostly straight path. A disturbance off to my right caught my attention and I looked over to see what had caused it. There was a stag standing not too far from me, and he was staring deep into me. His gaze seemed to look right through me and see into the very essence of my being. In the same way as the eagle before, the stag seemed to beckon me onward, and I felt the voice, again, resonating through me, “The path is dark. You will need a guide until you find what you seek. Many become lost here, but all find their way when they follow the light ahead.” It was then that the woods began to grow very bright, as if some brilliant star was there, illuminating the woods. However, there was no star, the light was coming from the stag. He had become a beacon for me to follow and the rest of the woods had become dark except for the narrow path of light from the stag that led right to me. With a new found assurance I began walking in the light unafraid and full of determination.

Out of Apathy, pt. 12

There was the sound of a car coming down the road, so I turned to try and flag it down. The headlights washed over me and I began waving my arms frantically and yelling for them to stop, but I was ignored and they continued on past me into the darkness. With a sigh I looked back towards the events that were happening above me, but to my surprise the stars had all resumed their normal positions and it was as if all that I had seen never occurred. Feeling very confused, I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. After feeling the sharp pain and nothing changed, I resigned myself to the fact that I must have imagined it and continued on my path. After walking for what seemed like ages, I began to see some light up ahead down the road. I let out a slight cry of joy and began to quicken my pace toward the lights.

It was an odd sensation, however, because I felt that no matter how fast I walked the lights remained the same distance away, as if I was walking backwards on a moving sidewalk one sees in an airport. Becoming more and more frustrated, I began to run toward the light, but the lights didn’t move. To my left and right I could see the scenery changing, so that I knew I must be moving (and in a forward direction because the landmarks on either side of me were moving behind me). I began to push myself harder and began running faster, but somehow I didn’t lose my breath and my legs never felt any more tired. The hills and plateaus out in the distance moved faster and faster away from me, until I could no longer recognize their shapes and everything turned into a blur. I focused ahead of me on those lights, which were just out my reach, and they still remained the same distance away.

I was moving so fast now that everything turned dark around me and I couldn’t see anything except the lights that were ahead of me. Finally, I realized that I was never going to make it to the lights in this way. I was moving at the speed of light (at the time it did not even occur to me how absurd this idea was) and everything around me had disappeared because the light could not reach me, but because I was traveling in the path of the light from those lights I was chasing, I could still see them. Whatever those lights were being emitted from was moving away from me at the same speed I was travelling. So I stopped running and began to feel a sense of hopelessness. How was I ever to catch up?

Something then creeped into my mind that I had learned once, and that was that the speed of light is a universal speed limit and nothing could break it. I began to think about what I could do if I couldn’t break that limit, and then I realized that I could just be there. The power of thought could be my transport to those lights, my thoughts existing outside of space and outside of time, and therefore not succumbing to the limiting laws of physics. We are limited in that we make such laws for ourselves, if we would only let our minds be free of such rigid structure we might see that the things we think are impossible, actually are possible. Our world is limited only by our mind, and our mind is limited by our rational element that dominates our imagination. In this world anything is possible, but we must allow our imagination to lead the revolution and take over our mind. All this went through my mind as I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, when I opened my eyes again I was in the middle of the parking lot of the diner I had eaten at not that long ago.


The bright lights hurt my eyes because they had become so adjusted to the darkness in which had been moving for so long. Inside, I saw the tired waitress standing behind the counter filling up another cup of coffee for the truck driver who was harmlessly flirting with her. “Come on, I’ve got a big ol’ sleeper. You can come ride with me to Beaufort. It’ll be fun, and I swear I’ll be nice,” he smiled with a wide grin and innocent eyes at the waitress. She just shook her head, and gave him only the slightest hint of returning smile, but this was the most she could muster. He shrugged and then continued to drink his coffee. Around the corner of the building I found a pay phone and tried to make a call to triple A, but when I picked up the receiver all I heard was silence. I hung it up, and then tried again, still I heard nothing; so I made my way inside to see if they had a phone I could use inside.

When I walked inside I tried to get the waitress’ attention, but she seemed to look right through me and stare off at something far off in the distance behind me. The look she had struck me as odd because it wasn’t as if she was simply glazed over, but really seemed to not even recognize that I was there. “Excuse me,” I said and waved my hand slightly to try and break her concentration. The only reaction she gave was that she began to wipe down the counters, so I tried again several times and received the same result. Frustrated, I walked back outside to gather myself before I made another attempt. As I paced outside the man who had been flirting with the waitress came out and made his way toward his truck, then it struck me. Even if I am able to call and have my car towed somewhere, there is no way I could have it repaired, it was totaled, and I was being driven on this mission, of sorts, by some unseen force that I could not ignore. The truck driver’s words stuck out in my mind because he had said he was going to Beaufort, which was on the coast and could be my venue to set out and find the girl in the photograph.

I chased after the truck driver trying to get his attention as he was getting into his truck, and just as if he could read my mind, the passenger door opened and I was let into his truck. I climbed up onto the seat and thanked him profusely for letting me in. He didn’t respond, but seemed to nod in acknowledgement. He then let out a loud whistle, and just as I was about to shut the door, I heard a bark right next to me. A dog came springing out of the darkness, jumped in over me and climbed back behind the front seats in the cab. After some sniffing about his head reappeared between the seats and the truck driver scratched behind the dog’s ears and said, “let’s get back on the road. We should make it by sunrise, so you get some sleep.” I said thanks and as the engine started I sank back into the seat and fell asleep.


It was strange that I fell asleep so quickly because I seemed to have been spending most of the night sleeping with my late start going to work and being knocked unconscious after the accident; however, I hadn’t slept much the day before, and with all the trauma, I believe it was to be expected. There didn’t seem to be any transition into the dream-state as I continued to perceive everything happening around me. The lights of the truck flipped on and illuminated the parking lot, and soon enough we were driving down the road. Everything around the truck had become dark. The stars seemed to have been blotted out of the sky by some great ink well that had been spilled over the entire canvas.

All the shadows of the hills on either side of the highway disappeared, and the only thing that was visible we the narrow corridor of light in front of the truck. The driver seemed to be in his own world and concentrating on the road, so I didn’t want to talk to him and break his focus. As I stared ahead into what I could see from the glow of the headlights I began to notice the column of light becoming shorter. Like we were driving into an dark fog, the lights had less and less of an effect on the darkness around us, but the driver didn’t seem to take any notice of this. The truck also seemed to be accelerating, not as if the driver was trying to make it go faster, but as if we were being pulled forward by some tremendous force. I sat up in alarm as I felt the truck go faster and faster, and watched the lights get closer and closer to the truck until they almost faded completely and left us in complete darkness. “Do you see that?” I cried out, but the driver maintained his composure, as if nothing was happening. I wanted to shake him loose from his spell and yell at him, but I realized that that would not accomplish anything and it might even insult him. He was a professional driver after all and judging by his reaction, he must have encountered situations like this before, or he was asleep at the wheel.

Finally the light completely faded and suddenly a strange thing happened. The terrible pulling sensation I had been feeling grow stronger by the second ceased completely. Furthermore, I no longer even felt the vibrations from the wheels on the ground or the hum of the engine. I was now all alone in a dark void with no signs of anything around me, and it occurred to me that I could not feel the chair beneath me anymore and when I reached out I couldn’t feel the interior of the truck around me. Somehow I had been taken out of everything and been put into nothing, into vast emptiness, if it can be called vast. When there is nothing, it cannot be really described because to describe it would be say that there is something to describe. The emptiness wasn’t just a feeling of being surrounded, but it was feeling that fully consumed me. My entire being felt empty, it wasn’t lonesome because there wasn’t anything to be longing for, but it was painful nonetheless. Painful might not be the proper word either because pain insinuates a cause, this was a feeling that cannot properly be put into words.

Imagine being drained of everything that makes one human; all emotions, passions, longings, just everything, and all that is left are thoughts, empty analytic thoughts. Here there was no time and no space, so there was no reference for description, and I cannot say how long I was there, but I would have spent a million lifetimes in the most horrible prison on Earth than to have remained there. In the darkness there came a light, small at first, but growing in intensity. As the light began to grow brighter and seemed to come closer, I began to feel again. A warmth began coursing through my veins comforting me. The light began to take on a recognizable shape as it came closer; it was the shape of a woman daintily walking toward me, swinging one foot in front of the other. She began to speak soft words to me that made me shudder from pure adoration, “Pas encore amour. Tu as besoin de réveiller!” When she said this last line the light she exuded become so bright that it burned my eyes and I was forced to shut them. When I opened my eyes again I was back in the truck and we were pulling in to a gas station, and the sun was rising on the horizon.